Why KLM sucks
I’m not a stranger to flying by airplane, and I have a passport to back up these claims. When I returned home from Amsterdam, last Sunday, I was less than impressed with the new modus procedendi of the Dutch Royal Flight Company (Koninklijke Luchtvaart Maatschappij) KLM.
Queues, queues, queues…
First of all, they’re trying out a new system for checking people in, which leads to tremendous queues, but let this not stop you from visiting Holland, of course, because you’ll only experience these queues when you’re back on your way out, and you’re probably too tired to react anyway. I was still awake enough to be utterly annoyed by them, because after you’ve queued up for an hour, they make you go and check in your luggage separately. So…you have to check in your luggage after you have officially received your seat number, etc, thereby probably officially forfeiting your right to any kind of complaint (but I’m not so sure about this last part – I’d have to check it out to be sure. I won’t, though, and you’ll find out in a while why not).
Luggage
After having queued up for another while (yes, Dutch people like to think they’re organized) it’s your turn to check in your luggage. Glad to be able to get out of the queue, you happily present your boarding pass to the person behind the counter, and you put your suitcase on the conveyor belt. Of course you have to wait, first, because now that they make all the people check in their luggage at the same time, the belt gets stuck all the time. No problem, however, people at KLM have time.
As it turned out, my luggage was over 25kg. For as long as I have been flying, this has never been refused. The Pride of Holland saw things differently, though: according to their regulations, I could have 20kg, and not more. I was offered 2 choices: either unload, or pay 20 euros per kilogram extra. Since I had just over 26kg (26.2), they gladly made that 27, and I was asked to cough up 140 euros. (“Thank you very much in advance,” I guess.)
Well, it was obvious that I wasn’t going to let them rip me off like that, I unloaded my suitcase and I proceeded to unload. I moved everything that was heavy in my laptop bag, and after going back 4 (!) times, I finally had 22.1kg, and (since they had indicated that they’d let me go with 22kg, I asked them if they’d round this up, too, or if they’d let me go. They’d let me go. But…guess what: I was weighing this suitcase on a counter which was not in use, right next to the one where the lady was sitting. Even though that one said 22.1, when I returned to the lady (after queueing up again, of course), the scales indicated 23.1kg. So…they’re telling me that stuff is too heavy, using scales that don’t even measure things equally. Now, how many people have they made pay 20 or 40 euros, when in fact maybe the total weight was all right in the first place? We will never know, of course.
After having complained substantially to everyone around me, and after finally having been checked in, my flight was already busy with the boarding procedure. I had to run to get there in time, otherwise my plane would have been gone, too! At least, while sighing and sweating and trying to calm down again, I was thinking about the why behind all of this.
Befehl ist Befehl
The boys and girls behind the counters are only doing their jobs, of course, and when some honcho tells them that 20kg is the limit, they’ll tell you exactly that. When they’re told that 22.2 is 23, they’ll gladly tell you that, too – another fine sample of Dutch Arithmetics (Hollandse Rekenkunde).
But…why? I’m sure it all has to do with oil prices. To stay competitive in the price lists, KLM doesn’t increase the prices of their flights like most companies do, they just take some extra euros when you’re already with your back to the wall (because that’s what I call it when you’ve checking in, and you have a plane waiting for you). So you have 23kg? No problem, pay us 60 euros, and we’ll call it quits. That’s one hell of a way to earn some extra bucks. It’s also an extremely invisible way (when you’re booking your tickets) to turn that 250 euro ticket into a 300 euro ticket.
What I really don’t understand is what difference it made, in the end. I was on the plane with exactly the same weight, only now it was all in my laptop bag.
Why choose KLM?
So, why should you choose KLM, then? Well…once you’re on board, they offer you a very nice 6 x 2.5 x 3 cm sandwich, which you can eat together with a fine selection of delicious celery & courgette salad (proudly offered by Van Oers). Oh yes, you get a tiny bit of French garlic cheese to boot. Anyone whose game for a culinary feast will appreciate the trouble KLM has gone through to make you one with nature again, by making you feel like a rabbit on a diet.
New business model for KLM
Since weight is becoming so important for the KLM, I have a suggestion for a new business model for them: instead of charging people for a ticket, charge them for how much they weigh. Say… 3.5 euros per kilogram. You weigh 80kg? Your plane ticket will cost you 280 euros. Same as it is now, but people who really make the plane weigh more (and if 5kg of luggage is already worth 140 euros in gas, I’m sure all those 100+kg people cost a lot more). You weigh 120? Sorry, but that’ll cost you 420. That way, KLM will be working on (inter)national health, and they won’t have to discriminate between 20 or 25 kg of luggage.
Of course these ideas sound a bit…discriminating. I’m sure the KLM won’t have a problem with them, though, since they seem to be common practice already.
Advice for every one else
Avoid KLM like avian flu. Customer care is a taboo word at KLM, and by the looks of it, I’m not the only unhappy ex-customer. Never again will anyone at KLM see me on one of their flights, that’s a fact.
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